She gave the paper an 85% The teacher said to revise it and resubmit. Some suggestions she made and also the first download is the paper that was handed in the the second download is the actual paper with a more specific things that need to be addressed.
Thesis Statement: Please make sure that your thesis statement is one complete sentence that introduces your topic and gives an overview of the main points of your essay. You also need to make sure that your thesis concludes your introductory paragraph
Body Paragraphs: Your thesis statement is the purpose for your essay. Everything you say in the body of your essay should support what you say in your thesis. If your body paragraphs donâ€™t match your thesis, donâ€™t be afraid to revise your thesis!
Information/Support: This is a good start! Remember that the body of your essay should be a combination of summarized/paraphrased information from research and your own ideas and observations about the topic. Donâ€™t fill your paper with quoted material, it should be no more than 10% of your essay.
Citations: Youâ€™re off to a good start! Make sure that your essay isnâ€™t more than 10% quoted material, and remember your in-text citations should not be distracting and should lead your audience back to your works cited page